I Am The Biggest Disgrace On Earth!

I Am The Biggest Disgrace On Earth!
  • Everyone just keep clawing at you again and again until there is nothing left. Hard to even open up again. That’s what feeling like a disgrace is like. Every one of your flaws magnified and made fun of. Being in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. Can’t even disappear if you wanted to. Every one is against you. Hates you. Avoids you. How do we change this?
  • We can do wrong things, but we never lose our value as a person.
    • Human beings have it’s own worth as a human being just as a deer is designed to be treated like a deer. You don’t treat a gun like pencil, because the values of the objects are different. The attributes are different. It’s identity and value doesn’t change. Nor will your identity and value as a human being. We can commit crimes, make huge mistakes, or have major flaws, but you are still human. We are all human. We should be treated like humans. If you feel disgraced, remember that you are still just as valuable as any other people. This won’t change your situation, but this is to help you ground your sense of identity.
  • You can change a lot of the influences around you by being with the right people.
    • People have the most amount of influence on us. The community we spend the most time with can nurture you or destroy you. When you feel incredibly disgraced in the group consistently, change your group. Friends can really make or break you. Seek out people with integrity and confidence, not just popularity or looks. Finding the right community will escalate your self esteem. Search out actively for people of character and willing to help others.

I Want To Give Up On Life

I Want To Give Up On Life
  • Life doesn’t treat us right sometimes. Maybe all the time? We can’t control what happens to us. Somehow it pushes us into a corner where we no longer want to try anymore. It feels pointless. Life feels like a burden. No one else seem to have this kind of problem. Just us. 
  • I don’t want to assume I know what you’re going through.
    • There are traumatic experiences happening to people right now that I can’t understand, because I haven’t been through all of them.  The only thing I do know is that it’s painful and it has brought you to the point of despair. I’m not going to expect you to pick yourself up and get better immediately. That’s just inconsiderate. I just know that there are painful moments for all of us, and it doesn’t come or go easily. Take it at your own pace.
  • Take care & take responsibility for yourself.
    • I know you are probably at a point where you literally don’t care what happens to you, life, or anything else. There is too much to handle. I still want to encourage you to take care of yourself, because one day you’ll look back and be glad that you did. There are painful times for all of us, and we are the most vulnerable during that period. You will get through this point, but we have to take steps to taking care of yourself. If not for you, then for your family & close friends. Take care of yourself for them.
  • Change what you can so you don’t have to stay this way.
    • Change doesn’t come easy nor it comes fast. If you can, do as much as you can to help yourself through this situation. Talking things out with friends. Seeking a counselor. Running. Even momentary solutions that helps you cope is ok. This is to actively work through your emotions, so you wouldn’t be bind to it forever.

Nobody Needs Me

Nobody Needs Me
  • "No one would care if I just disappeared." "I am not needed.” These are some of the things you might have been saying to yourself. Feeling unloved, rejected, excluded. As people,we have emotional needs. We shouldn’t hate ourselves for wanting to be needed nor should we desperately long for need at all cost. Where is the balance between the two?
  • Younger tend to look for outside source of validation.
    • Life education is something that isn’t taught actively or emphasized. Academics become the indication for success. Your sense of value rests on the view that you see yourself as. When we are younger, we are actively learning about the world around us, so we look for others to affirm our actions. Now, we have the capability to be the source of validation for ourselves. Have the outlook that your opinions are valuable also. We don’t have to constantly look for someone to give us permission to take action. Feeling worthless is the opposite of it. The worthlessness comes from placing too much worth on how others think about you. 
  • It’s ok to feel needed, but it shouldn’t dictate our actions.
    • Always make your actions your own. If you are already feeling worthless, you are likely to overexert yourself to get acceptance from the group. This puts you in a dangerous spot and at the mercy of the group. Take this opportunity to build up your identity first then rejoin a good group.

Friends Making Excuses to Avoid You

Friends Making Excuses to Avoid You
  • “My cat died.” “I have to stay home and help my dog eat dinner.” Somewhat generic excuses, but we all know what an excuse sounds like. We are all smart enough to know when others don’t like us. Excuses become this thing people say because they don’t want to “hurt our feelings”. But both sides KNOW what’s going on, and the worst part is we never know that the actual reason is. That sucks. Can’t even know why we got rejected in the first place.
  • There is nothing you can do to change others.
    • Always focus on things you have control over, because once we extend that need for control, bad things happen. We get anxious, frustrated, bitter, because things didn’t go our way. Don’t try to control beyond yourself. We can improve our driving skills, but we can’t control aggressive & dangerous drivers on the road. By swearing or giving people the universal sign language isn’t going to change people. They have to be the ones that change themselves.
  • Figure out if it’s you or them.
    • Figuring out the problem is tricky, because when we see ourselves, we usually think we are pretty nice and decent. This is one of the human bias we all have. "The average person thinks they are smarter than the average person.” You get my point? So we have to have an outside view of what we look like to other people. You can think you’re the nicest person all you want, but if everyone else don’t think so, it doesn’t matter.
      • Ask people closest to you for the truth. Sometimes your friends might not tell you the truth, because they are afraid of hurting your feelings. However, if you make them feel comfortable enough, they’ll tell you. 
  • Make changes, but not expecting immediate differences.
    • We live in a world where we want things instantly. Fast foods, 2 day deliveries, and instant customer service. The truth is rarely does anything good comes easy or fast. Having the expectation of instant results will ruin your life. You will on the lookout for shortcuts & cheats to your problem when in reality it will probably cause even more problems. You don’t fix a smoking car by stopping the smoke. You fix it by fixing the engine. Changes are hard, but they are long lasting and will get you far.

When Is Friendship Possible Between People?

When Is Friendship Possible Between People?
  • Let’s just talk friendship for now, nothing romantic here. But just thinking about friendship is probably complex enough as it is. To the ones that know how to form friendships, it’s like second nature. For others, friendship might be overwhelmingly perplexing. What makes friendship possible?
  • Friendship requires a common bond.
    • The base of any relationship is a common interest, ideology, etc. It’s something that the two people can use as bridge to continue their relationship. Without this common bond as a bridge, there doesn’t exist a reason or a connection for the two people to be friends. Have you noticed if you made friendships in club, once you leave, it becomes very difficult to keep in touch with the club? The common interest can be superficial topics too. The key here is that this common bond allows for the individuals to have a reason to come together.
  • Friendship requires mutual investment.
    • Just like how you can’t play catch with yourself, friendships require both sides to put in effort. I don’t think this is coming across as an amazing revelation to most people, but there are a lot of individuals in one-sided relationships, and still holding on to it. Most of the time the problem isn’t if we understand the concept or not, it’s when emotions deviate us from our understanding. Face the facts and let the emotions follow.
  • Friendship requires mutual understanding.
    • I really believe not all people are compatible, because not everyone thinks the same way. If you are not able to have a deep mutual understanding with your friend, the relationship can’t go beyond skin deep. A key component in a deep relationship is the WANT to understand. We come in all shapes and sizes, personalities, etc. But the desire to want to understand another can bridge many chasms. But not everyone thinks this way. 

Should I Change Myself For Other People?

Should I Change Myself For Other People?
  • Maybe you can think of a time where someone pressured you into doing something. Perhaps you can think of another time where you changed yourself so you can be accepted. Maybe a different haircut, a different hobby, or even a different face? When is it ok to change for someone? Where exactly is the boundary between who you are and the opinions of others? We don’t want to be a pushover nor do we want to be a selfish jerk. Where do I draw the line?
  • Make choices based on you, not what will make other people happy.
    • Great relationships are one of the primary factors in determining a fulfilling life; however, this doesn’t mean you should indiscriminately do things to make these people happy. Caring for someone doesn’t always mean making them happy. It means doing what is best for them. Same thing goes for us. To care for ourselves doesn’t always mean it’s going to feel good. Taking over shifts for all your coworkers because they are going on a cruise can make others happy, but you are hurting yourself. Learn to take actions base on what will care for both you and others, not what will make others happy. Actions based solely on emotions are dangerous. 
  • Making decisions for yourself require a solid identity.
    • Not knowing yourself is like a ship with no anchor. You’ll never be able to ground yourself to a location. The world is changing at an amazing pace. If you don’t know yourself, you might find yourself blown into unwanted places. As people, we all need core values to live by. Our values exists as our internal compass. Without an internal compass, we have no choice but to follow the paths others give us.
  • Respect yourself more than wanting acceptance.
    • We are people deserving more respect. In our minds, it might not be uncommon to think what others say are more important than what we say. “They know what they are talking about.” or “I’ll go along with it, because I don’t want to be excluded from the group.” Being excluded is horrible, but being accepted in a toxic group is worse. Respect yourself enough to do actions that might be painful but will protect yourself in the long run. All of us should strive to be individuals that understand their own needs thoroughly.
    • What is one that you don’t want to compromise but have been compromising all this time?

What Is Confidence?

What Is Confidence?
  • So over time we realize money doesn’t help us with confidence, neither does being attractive. How can you tell? It’s that feeling inside of you that keeps having doubts about “What if _____ happened? Will I still be liked & accepted? Will people still look at me the same way?”. Of course none of us will ever reach a point where we don’t doubt at all. However, if the doubt is taking over inside of you, we all know that doesn’t end well. What is confidence? Will I ever get it? Let’s explore this topic together.
  • Confidence is a feeling.
    • Anyone can feel confident. - Confidence doesn’t just choose only certain individuals. If you don’t know what grows confidence, even natural confidence can be taken away. Too often we get locked into seeing one or trait that determines the whole way we interact with someone. Better shoes, smarter, richer, socially educated, etc. But we have to remember that people are dynamic. There are multitudes of factors affecting the way we communicate with one another. Confidence is a result of you feeling comfortable in midst of all these factors. Not that you are already successful that makes you confident, but understanding your true internal value as a person grounds your emotions.
  • Confidence is when you feel like you don’t have to defend yourself.
    • We can’t become more confident by making others feel worse about themselves. - The number one way people try to appear confident is by making sure there is no competition. But just because there is no competition, does that mean you are an amazing person? Nope. Especially in the earlier stages of our life, these tactics to appear confident happens way too often. This is bullying, isolation, mocking, making fun of others, and more. Ridiculing others to make them seem worse than you displays your own insecurities.
    • A confident individual doesn’t feel threatened by other displays of strength. In fact, a confident person wants to help others become confident also, because he or she knows the world would benefit so much more from the hidden talents of everyone else.
  • Confidence is gained through trials and challenges.
    • Consistency in stepping into uncertainty is the habit of growth. - Nothing good comes easy. Only through tests and trials can you come out more confident. We all know that test brings out the weak points, so we can improve. But another underrated factor is the strength of your mentality. Your mental strength determines your persistence, focus, energy, which can’t be obtained by just studying. Embrace the challenges of growth, because the alternative is a future you didn’t want.

What Do People Expect From Friendships?

What Do People Expect From Friendships?

  • Friendships are confusing. It’s like only one level down from a romantic relationship, which is confusing enough as it is. But let’s just stick with being friends. We all like friends, especially ones that care about us. Friends are our main support. Got to learn how to make them.
  • Define friends vs acquaintance. 
    • Friends lift you up and try to help you, and they will stick by you. - I feel like nowadays the definition of friends becomes more and more diluted. What do friends really mean to us? Friends to me should back you when it counts. That’s the difference between friends and acquaintances. Friends aren’t there only when it’s convenient. They will stick with you through the hard times. When you fall, you can expect them to catch you. These are like the loyal fans of a team, not the bandwagoners.
    • Acquaintances are the people that are there, but they won’t really help you. - Acquaintances aren’t bad just because they aren’t as close as your real friends, because realistically, we don’t have so much time that we could have  everyone be a friend. Close friends need time and commitment, and all of us only have 24 hours to spend. Acquaintances are great to have; just make sure you are taking care of your close friends first.
  • If the expectations for friendship is different on both sides, you have a problem.
    • Some of us are looking for deep relationships and friends where we can share our lives with, but others just looking of a group to hang out with once a month. - Make sure everyone is on the same page, since people all see friends differently. Some are “If you are friends, you are friends for life.”. Others are “If you talked once, you are friends.” Look for the people you feel like are looking for the same kind of friendship as you are.
  • Generally it’s the same, but the expectation, depth are different.
    • Look how often they hang out with their closest friends - good estimate. - People expect connections from friendships, but just at different levels. One of the ways you could see how someone sees his or her relationships is through commitment. And…when I’m talking commitment, it’s not like a marriage thing. It’s more like everything. If he says he is going to go somewhere, does he consistently show up? If she sees the next flashy thing, does she jump ships quickly? These are the questions you should be asking if you want to find a CLOSE friend, because you need someone that you can count on to show up when you need them.

I Do Not Want To Be Who I Am

I Do Not Want To Be Who I Am

  • I hate everything about myself. Why can’t I be like other people? I often feel sad and depressed, because I wish I could have been born in a different body or be smarter or more attractive. Can I ever change? Will I ever change? I am afraid to show myself from time to time, so I became shy. Very little friends, and I want this to change.
  • You don’t become happier by trying to become someone else.
    • It’s easy to get caught up in the story of “I will be happy if I have _____.” Happiness feels good. It isn’t right or wrong. It is just a feeling, so don’t judge your emotions. Emotions also come and go. That’s why we watch movies, play sports, or Snapchat other people. It’s because we want a certain emotion from them. Like food makes us feel a certain way, especially fried food. Nice and crunchy! We go through life seeking happiness and pleasure. How many times have we heard the phrase: “Money can’t buy happiness.”? It really can’t. Money can’t buy the way we feel. It might get a present that makes us feel good for awhile, but it doesn’t last. All this is to say that even if you transformed yourself into another person, you still won’t be happy. Happiness is from the inside first and the people you surround yourself with. If you are unhappy when you’re poor, you’ll be unhappy when you’re rich. Money only amplifies who you are. It doesn’t change you.
  • If you dislike yourself, nothing you add to your life will change it.
    • Our physical body is the easiest to change. Oh..you don’t like your eyebrows? Here, use this product. You don’t like your waistline? Use this workout. These things may PHYSICALLY change us, but it rarely changes the way WE see ourselves. Ever seen a thin girl that kept on saying she needs to lose more weight? I’m not here to judge, but I am trying to make the point that we need to change the way WE see OURSELVES. If you don’t like yourself right now, putting on new cloth isn’t going to have lasting change. You have to look within and change the way you view the world and yourself. Try to be more grateful of all the things you have. Be thankful of you as a person.
  • There will never be another person just like you.
    • Accept and appreciate yourself. - You may not think you are special, but no one has the exact childhood you did. No one talk like you do. No one has the exact same hair color as you. No one thinks like you do. I can go on and on. NO ONE is exactly like you. Use this to your advantage. Develop your own style. Appreciate how different you are than other people. Other people act differently than you, and that is ok. Rather than trying to copy someone else so you can get more attention and love, be yourself. Why sacrifice yourself to become a second rated version of another person.

I Am Just Not Normal

I Am Just Not Normal

  • I am always the odd one out. It feels like I just don’t act the same way as other people. I dress weird. I act weird. I don’t even comfortable being myself. I am just not normal. I want to be normal, and be like everyone else. Go to see movies, hang out together, and go to try new foods. Why can’t I be like them? It’s tough trying to fit in all the time. Now, I just know they won’t like me. After trying so many times. It’s the same result every time! 
  • Normal is overrated. Be true to yourself.
    • Everyone want to be like everyone else when being yourself is the most freeing. - Why do you want to be like everyone else? As people, we actually want to be significant. We want to be known for who we are. We want to be seen, understood, and acknowledged. However, we also want to be part of a group. Communities. Doesn’t have to be big. Even just a few close friends to hang out with is fine. The conflicting desires between wanting to be yourself and wanting to be in community are inside of us every day. But what kind of person do you want to be? To use a Star Wars analogy! Do you want to be a stormtrooper or a Jedi? You can barely tell the difference between the first stormtrooper and the next one while every Jedi has his or her own style. Being in a group gives you comfort, security, and acceptance. These are good things, but you can’t let the group be your primary identity. Your identity has to be from knowing who you are as a person FIRST. Then joining a group is fine. 
  • Don’t be ashamed of your uniqueness.
    • You mind is often a bigger limitation than your actual flaws. - The common notion is that flaws ruin your life. However, the mental road blocks from our flaws are usually what is stopping us from being ourselves. You can see famous celebrities with notable flaws, but they are able to bypass the flaws and own their individuality. Confidence in knowing your identity and accepting your uniqueness is the path to maturity.
      • Kevin Hart, comedian - 5’4”, even I’m taller than him.
      • Stephen Hawking - in a wheelchair, can’t talk, and he is one of the top physicists in the world.
  • When we start to appreciate our uniqueness, our true self begins.
    • Most of our lives we spent trying to understand who we are as a person. Our parents, teachers, friends all teach us who we are. However, not all the lessons taught were helpful. We might find ourselves rejecting parts of ourselves in order to be accepted by our community. Though our true self appears when we become an independent unit on our on.

I Am Not Worth People's Time

I Am Not Worth People's Time

  • I’m just not like them. They got better stuff to do than hanging out with me. I am just not that interesting. These are the things we think about from time to time. I have been there too. Feeling like sometimes people probably won’t even notice me if I’m gone. But this isn’t the right way to think is it? We may not feel this way, but we are worth it. We didn’t always think or feel like we’re worthless, so there is a chance for us to have high self esteem again. It is possible.
  • You have to value yourself first.
    • Even if I told you right now that you are a valuable person, you wouldn’t believe me. You have to show yourself that you are valuable. - A lot of people want change, but they actually just want others to agree with their perspective. If you want to change, you have to be committed to change. You have to be willing to consider the way you are thinking might not be right and be willing to change. You are VALUABLE enough for you to take this step, because you are so amazingly made. You by just being a person in this world deserves to be treated and respected like a person. Don’t settle for less.
    • Value self-respect. - Self respect isn’t really taught in schools or at homes as often, and it’s too important not to. If we have very little self respect, we actually teach others to treat us with very little respect. It’s like if a host didn’t value his house and he didn’t stop people from throw trash everywhere even if he doesn’t like it, people will throw trash everywhere. This is you protecting yourself by having self respect. Because people are precious, you have to protect yourself, your time, and your emotional health.
  • Learn to enjoy spending time with yourself to grow your self worth.
    • A lot of times, we just don’t like who we are. We are looking to other people or things to make us feel better about ourselves. Doesn’t work that way. You have to learn to spend time and like yourself first. - If you don’t even like yourself, who would like you? Would you like to hang out with a person that just hates himself or a person that likes himself? Yes, of course, the one that likes himself, so become a person that values himself or herself FIRST, and other people would naturally want to hang out with you more.
    • Once you start liking yourself, you will give worth to yourself. Then go talk with other people. - Being able to freely express who you are is actually the best gift you can give to yourself and other people. When you are yourself you are really giving other people the permission to be themselves too. At the beginning, there might be resistance, but people want the freedom that comes with being yourself. You are valuable as an individual, and no one can take that away from you. Let’s learn to express that in the right way.

Social Anxiety: I Can't Handle Social Situations

Social Anxiety: I Can't Handle Social Situations

  • So who wouldn’t want to confidence in a social situation? It’s nice being able to just be yourself without feeling anxious or nervous. Talk to the people you want to talk to. However, not all of us grew up with the upbringing of good self-esteem. Not really our fault of our past, but we can still make decisions to change the future. If we are not confident right now, we don’t have to stay that way in the future. But what we do need is commitment. Commitment to face our fears. Commitment to change. Commitment to be consistent. These are all characteristics that we have control over. If you don’t like your social capabilities, you can change. It’s not easy, but we’re with you.
  • Right now is never the end if you are willing to change.
    • Feel super anxious. Blanked out. Don’t know what to say. Super awkward. - This might be the experience a lot of us go through, and it’s ok. Personally, I think not every conversation is smooth. Not even the normal conversations. Society anxiety comes up because we are not used to handling the situation. If we are suddenly face with a situation we have no idea how to handle, we would all panic a little. Now another factor is in the amount of importance you have placed in the situation. The higher the stakes are in the event, the more nervous we become. In other words, society anxiety is us facing a situation we are not used to handling that we think is extremely important. However, this isn’t the end of the story. The story ends when you give up. Willingness to change determines your future.
    • If people are talking about things you don’t know, ask questions. - Asking questions is a practical tactic to help you understand the other people and help you shift the attention onto the other person. DO NOT interrogate. Ask a question. Listen to the answer. Respond to the answer. Then ask another question. When you care about what the other person has to say, you set the example for how they should care for you.
  • We often forget change takes time and persistence.
    • Practice - Talk to a picture first. Then practice talking to someone you feel comfortable with. Make handling social anxiety a progressive work. Step by step and little by little. Talking to a picture is a good way start off a non-threatening situation for you to practice talking. Pretending that you are in a simulated conversation with someone helps your mind prepare for the anxiety and you can stop at any time you want. Practice until you feel comfortable before moving on to talking to a person. Good luck!

Everything Is Good...Until They Get To Know the Real Me

Everything Is Good...Until They Get To Know the Real Me

  • We all know what you feels like to keep a secret. A secret that would ruin your whole life. It makes you walk on egg shells all the time, and scared to do anything that would reveal your secret. It’s the worst when the secret is you. You are afraid that if you talk to others and they saw the real you, they would run away. The answer? You pretend to be someone else to talk with other people. But that doesn’t stop the real you from showing itself, because you can’t hide yourself. You know it, and I know it. But…what can we do to?
  • Everyday is a new opportunity to change.
    • Always the same scenario. I am an accident waiting to happen. Time bomb. - The time waiting for the time bomb to explode is more nerve-wracking than the actual explosion. The mentality of being in constant fear ruins your life. The worst part is for us the object of fear is us. And you can’t run away from yourself, so you will always be afraid. Always be in fear.
    • Lose-lose situation - When you are in this mentality, you are either you're waiting for the bomb to explode or it already exploded. These are the only 2 options, so you’ll never be happy. It’s either lose or waiting to lose. If you want to feel good about yourself and change, you have change the situation. You need to have a situation where you win. Example: I win when I am honest with myself. So when I go out there and doesn’t matter how people respond to me, as long as I am honest with myself, I am happy.
  • Accept the real you.
    • Being in synch with who you are gives you peace. - If your motivations and values align, you have integrity within yourself. When we avoid or hate ourselves, we don’t even have a chance to understand our own motivations and values. Without it, we won’t have integrity within us. Without integrity, there is no peace. When you accept the real you, you don’t feel like you have to change. You are at peace with yourself. Do you have peace?
  • Set a future for yourself.
    • A person not dreaming of a future remains at the same place. - Unless we set a direction for our life, we are just wanderers. I’m pretty sure all of us have gotten lost at one point. No map, no directions, no progress. Without direction, our lives are confused. How does this relate to our fear of revealing who we are? Well, if we let ourselves stay in this state of fear, we are lost. We have no intention of moving pass this situation. A clear destination of who we want to become in the future and consistent pursuit towards it will help you break out of your current situation. If you don’t want to be afraid of people knowing the real  you, you have to work towards a future that doesn’t have that. The beginning of that path is acceptance of yourself.

I Fail No Matter What I Do

I Fail No Matter What I Do

  • Have you been told all your life that you ruin things and nothing about you is good? Does it seem like no matter what you do things always just doesn’t work out for you? It’s not like you want things to fail. You want things to change. All changes begin with education. Education on why things happened the way they did. Why do we think the way we do. Failure is a part of a perspective from the mind.
  • Appreciate who you are.
    • All changes begin with education. - Your mind is the most important resource you have. This 3 pound organ has the capacity to create, feel, design, learn, and grow. Nothing we have made in this world is even remotely close to the potential of your brain. Remember that every action you do or experience is teaching your brain something. You can be teaching it to relax after a long day. Or to embrace hard tasks at work. Or that you fail at everything you do.
    • Appreciate your unique mind.
  • Your mind is the source to all your decisions in life. Actively protect it from bad influences.
    • Move away from damaging environments if you can, because not all damages are visible. - All because you look ok doesn’t mean you are well inside. Bad companies does corrupt good morals. The things we learn from our environments are subtle. Even if we are consciously rejecting a belief, our subconsciousness is still learning from the circumstance. One of the results of this is the mindset of definite failure.
  • If you live in a story to fail, you will find a way to fail.
    • We believe what we want to believe. - Ever met an arrogant person that just doesn’t change no matter what you do? That’s an example of we ONLY see what we want to see. It doesn’t matter what me or you say to an arrogant person. If he doesn’t want to change, no one can make him. Right now that belief of “I will fail no matter what I do.”, is that arrogance. Unless you actively want to change this belief, you won’t change. If you are looking for someone to just agree with your mentality, you won’t change. You have to WANT to change.

Awkward...Nothing to Talk About

Awkward...Nothing to Talk About

  • Feeling the awkward silence? Or trying to fill the awkward silence up with something? That just sounds even more awkward. Not knowing what to talk about can make the situation a little awkward, but what’s more important is what this reveals about ourselves and the other person. Is there chemistry between you guys? Are you making the conversation awkward? Is the other person simply not interested? There is more to understand and explore from this awkwardness. Here I’ll talk about a few of these possibilities.
  • The right audience will respond to the right person.
    • Conversation is a two-way street. If only you want to talk, it’s probably best to find another conversation. - We often find and try to use other people’s response as an evaluation for our self worth rather than a learning experience. Choosing the right person to talk with allows for good conversations even if it is awkward. Awkward just happens from time to time, but what is more important is this: is the person you are talking with someone that you can see becoming your friend? Picking the right person to be around you often solves most of the relational problems in your life.
  • Interests and passions are nurtured.
    • Discover who you are. Learn to pick up different kind of hobbies. If you are a guy, don’t just play video games. - Explore to the entirety of your humanity. God made us to be wonderful and amazing, and definitely not just for us to sit around and watch netflix all day. There are much more rewarding experiences out there if you want to discover who you are. Make it part of your journey to discover your strengths. Life unexplored is one un-lived.
    • Develop yourself and have opinions. - Learn to have preferences. Not for the sake for being picky or arrogant, but for identifying what makes you YOU. It’s not bad to know that you like chocolate and not vanilla ice cream. Or... like listening to music than hiking up a trail. This is part of becoming you. The more you allow yourself to express who you are the more you know yourself.
  • Don’t just spend time talking. Get to know the other person too.
    • Try to learn about the other person genuinely, and not just waiting your turn to speak. If you go and only talk about yourself, one day you’ll wonder why you don’t have much friends. It’s a mutual relationship. - In general, we often like to talk about ourselves more. Spend some time to think outside of ourselves and think about how the other person feels. Ask yourself this question: Does this person feel heard when talking to me? When we make the other person feel heard, they are more likely listen to us too. This is how a connection begins.

Can You Be Too Trusting of Others?

Can You Be Too Trusting of Others?

  • Ever jumped into a friendship or a relationship a little too fast, because the person just seemed so perfect? Our brain plays a little trick on us sometimes. If we like someone, everything that they do is romanticized. It almost seemed like they could do no wrong. Our emotional brain takes over and tells us that this is a nice, trustworthy person. Be aware of our own tendencies to beautify people or groups of people because they seem nice, mature, or attractive. This is to prevent ourselves from making mistakes.
  • Are you clear on your identity?
    • Beauty affects our perception of trustworthiness. - There is something called the anchoring effect, where you base your perception of someone on your first contact with them. Basically, first impressions affect how someone views you by a decent amount. If a person looks attractive, we might assume he or she is also honest, trustworthy, caring, friendly, etc. If another person looks scary, we might think he or she is dangerous, violent, angry, unstable, etc. Because of this effect, we need to be careful in not trusting people too quickly.
      • All because someone looks good doesn’t mean they are trustworthy.
    • We let strangers be the critics of our self worth.
      • Sometimes when we first meet new cool person, in our minds we’re like “This person is amazing! Does this person like me? Am I good enough?” - Before anything even happened, we already submit ourselves to this person’s evaluation of us. Kind of scary sometimes… We have to actively guard our thoughts and realign our self worth with how WE see ourselves.
  • Trust people logically before emotionally.
    • Sharing too much too fast, especially emotionally, can ground us in the wrong place. - Ever agreed to something too fast and wondered how did I get here? This is the emotional fast track. We have to slow the emotions down and see what our logic side thinks about the situation before making any other decisions.
    • When we are emotionally involved, we become dumber. - We have all experience this! Saying things we shouldn’t have said when we were angry or staying in a relationship much longer than we should have. We are much better evaluators when we are not the one IN the situation. Before you let yourself get emotionally get involved, make sure you are logically protecting yourself first.
    • Generally, the younger you are, the less experience you have in managing your emotions. That’s why it’s good to seek counsel sometimes. - Let your close friends and family members be your trusted counsel. Train your emotional muscle and learn to not act on impulse. Learn to be aware of when an emotion is taking over your mind and remain calm. The more you train your awareness, the more you gain control over your emotional decisions.

Why Do We Feel Shame?

Why Do We Feel Shame?
  • Maybe shame is something we feel weekly or even daily? Why do we feel this way? Is there a way I can change so I don’t have to feel this way anymore? It’s that crooked tooth or heavy waistline people always mention when they talk about me. Now, I just don’t feel like doing anything anymore, because everything about me or what I do is shameful. It’s a pit that I can’t get out of.
  • Shame is when we feel unwanted by other people, especially the ones we want acceptance from.
    • People are designed for community, so it’s not bad to want to be accepted. - It is dangerous for a person when the person’s identity is dependent on the community. Extreme shame is a result of a person being rejected by a community.
    • Make your solution by picking the right community and not avoiding community altogether. - We all want great friends. These are the people we share our lives together with. Friends make life more meaningful. It’s never about the activities, but who you did the activities with.
    • Remember to lend a hand to others that are battling through shame. - If we manage grow ourselves past our feelings of shame, help others to breakthrough this painful experience. You can be the one person that shared that one wisdom, which changed someone’s life forever.
  • Knowing who you are is at the foundation of every social relationship.
    • If we rely on others for our identity, their every action has tremendous weight in our lives. No one can bear that kind of weight. - Imagine if someone’s world rises and falls on what you said to them. That’s a lot of pressure and responsibility. Everything you said could influence the person’s mood swings at the drop of a hat. That person’s life feels like a rollercoaster. Unstable and ever changing. Our identity should not be solely tied to external sources. We have to know who we are first before beginning any relationships.
    • Being needy is when we want others to validate our self worth. - Neediness is wanting others to direct your life. We are all needy in some way, and it’s ok to be needy sometimes. However, we need to be the captain of our own lives. It doesn’t matter how much advice other people give you if you don’t know where you are going.
  • Let’s break the cycle of shaming together.
    • Remember shame is part of the human emotions. Our goal here is to learn to feel, understand, and manage emotions. Not suppress them. If you suppress emotions, you will have long term problems.
    • First step. Honestly facing and embracing yourself. Practice saying to the mirror “I like myself.” Not other people. For some of you this will be extremely hard, but it will help. Try this 10 times, everyday for 2 weeks. Say it like you mean it. This is you starting to acknowledge your own value as a person.

I Am A Plain Boring Person

I Am A Plain Boring Person

  • Yup, plain and boring. Absolutely nothing interesting about me. However, that’s everyone. No one jumped out of a womb and just turned interesting and amazing. They learned how to be themselves and developed into individuals that are interesting! If they can grow to become interesting, you can too. Remember, everyone is different. We all have different passions and personality, but you have to explore to find who you are. If you just do the same things all day, you won’t know what your own preferences are! That will be what I am going to talk about.
  • Discovering who you are is something that can only be done through experience.
    • How do you know if you enjoy a sport that you never tried? You don’t. But a lot of people just sit on the bench and say they are not good at it. - Your character is developed. Your personality, attitude are all developed. They are made from your experiences with the world. If you want to be a more interesting person, you need to go and discover your interests, hobbies, and goals in life. Character development can ONLY be done through learning, growth, and new experiences. Yes, it means get out there and try new things. If you don’t like eating kimchi, that becomes part of who you are. If you love to surf, that is now also part of you. These are the things that makes people interesting. What’s more boring than a person that KIND of knows what he/she wants. The more you interact with the more, the more you know who you are.
  • If we are less afraid of what others think about us, we would actually become the amazing person we envisioned.
    • Fear slows EVERYTHING down. Have you seen fearful people? They don’t try anything, do things that always knew, and plays it safe. Life is just OK for them. Fearless people, on the other hand, take risks and fail from time to time, but they live life in freedom. Not caring what other people think allows you to really try and do anything, because the fear of men is among the top 3 fears in the world. We are very much afraid of what others might think of us, even strangers. It is incredibly hard for us to willingly look stupid in front of a group of audience. But on the other side of embarrassment and fear is freedom. With freedom comes a passionate leader. An interesting person is a byproduct of freedom.
  • Fear leads us to make excuses and dodge problems, so we could could stay safe. TOO safe. Like a treasure chest buried on an unknown island. We’ll never know the riches inside.
    • I really believe we all have great talents inside of us that we never show. Very few of us get to the stage where we focus our time and energy to invest in the talented portion of us, so it shines. One day, we will all pass away, so don’t let yourself have regrets over things you didn’t do. It’s never to late to start something that matters.

I Feel Jealous of Other People

I Feel Jealous of Other People

  • We all feel jealous sometimes. Someone has something we don’t have. Why couldn’t I be the one that got the promotion? I worked here much longer. This ISN’T right. The situation maybe just or unjust, and we would still feel the blood rushing to our face. This is one of our emotions. Jealousy. Let’s explore why we feel jealous in the first place, and learn how to sooth ourselves.
  • Someone has something we don’t. Why compare?
    • Comparing is the root reason behind jealousy. But why do we compare? We compare, because we don’t know where we really stand in the community. If I really know who I am, I don’t need to know the value of other people in order for me to feel good about myself. Just the same as if my shirt is red, the color isn’t going to change because someone else’s shirt is green. It’s going to be red regardless. However, if we are unsure of who we are, we can only compare to find out if we are RELATIVELY better than other people. This also means, our status could change at any time.
  • Jealousy communicates the instability of our identity.
    • Rather than using jealous to spread negative energy around, use it to understand ourselves. Emotions show us what we are strong and weak in. Jealousy reveals the weakness of our identity. Having a strong solid sense of who you are dissipates jealousy, because your identity isn’t dependent on anyone else. No one has influence over your value of yourself. No event could change the way you see yourself, so there is no intrinsic need to compare yourself with anyone. No need to be jealous. Practically what does ALL this mean? Understand and remember what makes you valuable as a person. What gives you value as a person?
  • Grow yourself, not tear others down.
    • If you tear someone down, you are still the same person as before. However, if you grow, you become a better person, and you can help the other person become better too. Tearing others down because you don’t want them to have more success than you is destructive, and you are not a better person as a result. The people who are strong protect others and raise up other leaders, not push others down so they could feel good about themselves. True strength is found within.

I Feel Like I Don't Deserve to Be Liked

I Feel Like I Don't Deserve to Be Liked

  • Not all of us are born with high self-esteem. Sometimes we just feel we are undeserving of goodness, success, or pleasure. It doesn’t even make sense, but we don’t like ourselves. We are the very person we don’t like and even hate. Of course we can’t run away from ourselves, so we live with this “person” for years and years. We want things to change, but we don’t know how.
  • Childhood experiences affect our emotional wiring.
    • Our emotional connection with the world is greatly influenced by how our parents taught us to feel about it. - When we are little, we are in a stage of learning. Especially in the early stages, we learned the emotions of shame and embarrassment first. This means when there are conflicts or harmful events occurring around us, we would actually tend to attribute it to ourselves. If our parents are fighting all the time, we might think it’s our fault that they are fighting. So…we are bad people because of it. I know this doesn’t make any sense, but this is how we emotionally learn at a young age.
    • The experience doesn’t limit to just parental conflict, but parents’ attitude towards the child or child’s exclusion from his/her peers. The child understands the situation as “I did something bad to cause the problem, so I am a bad person.” If not explained to the child, the child grows up into thinking he/she does not deserve good things because he/she is a bad person.
    • Understanding our emotional learning process helps us to go back and relearn the previous bad experiences we were in. We can’t choose our past, but we can choose our future.
  • Show compassion to yourself isn’t weakness. It’s part of learning how to take care of yourself.
    • Only the strong can afford to show compassion, vulnerability, and grace. Compassion on yourself is to let yourself understand that you are suffering, and you need time to heal your wounds. Wounds, if not treated, might become infected and cause you to lose a limb. Compassion is taking the proper measures to tend to the emotional wounds before it reaches an irreversible stage.
    • Take care of yourself emotionally, so you don’t pass on your emotional scars. - Your scars are not only your baggage it’s also baggage for the people closest to you. If you don’t work through your emotional health, it will hurt everyone that is close to you.
  • Write the Top 3 reasons why you don’t think you deserve a good life. Pretend that you are your best friend going through the same Top 3 issues, and give grace and love him/her with all you have.
    • It’s the hardest thing to do to show compassion to yourself when you hate yourself. Be patient and gentle with yourself.