Summary

• Lack of self respect comes from a deep inner belief that you are not respectable or deserving of respect.
• Take yourself seriously and followthrough with your own promises.
  • If you don’t even respect your words, commitments, and boundaries, why should anyone else?
  • If you say to yourself “I’m going to eat any sweets today.”, then don’t eat any sweets that day.
  • Start by trusting yourself and honoring your own promises even if it’s small. You are proving to yourself your own trustworthiness.
  • When you trust yourself more, your own standards and self-respect will follow.
• Protect your boundaries with others. Don’t cave in.
  • People naturally try to figure out each other’s boundaries to know how to behave around each other.
    • A friend might be testing to see how long he/she can borrow something before you get angry.
      • A child might be throwing a tantrum to see if you will give in.
    • Or even you might be pretending to forget about something to test your partner if he or she remembers.
  • When your boundaries are challenged, don’t cave in.
  • Your boundaries are your walls of defense. If it breaks with a tiny push, people will push it every time.
  • Know what type of boundaries to put up. Flexible boundaries and firm boundaries both have it’s proper place.
• Understand the non-verbal message you are communicating.
  • This is more to create an environment where it’s easier to get self respect.
  • There is respect given to behaving, dressing or acting appropriately to the occasion.
  • Awareness in how to act in social context communicates intelligence.
    • If you wear swimming trunks or bikini to a wedding [unless that is the theme], people won’t respect you because it feels like you don’t know what’s going on.
  • To making the process of increasing your self-respect easier, don’t dig yourself into a hole by not understanding the social context.
  • Sometimes this might be even more subtle. Like you might be acting friendly to other people, but they see it as being too flirty. [Physical boundaries are vague]. Or not speaking up during a discussion, so people just assume you don’t have anything to say and will naturally not give you space to speak.

• Our natural instincts is to want to be accepted by our core community.
  • To be isolated is extremely painful.
    • Just imagine at how much it hurt to be excluded from a party that you wanted to be in.
  • We want to think of ourselves in a certain way to be accepted by people around us.
  • If we are real with ourselves and the people around us, we might be excluded from the group. 
  • We don’t acknowledge everything about us, because we don’t want to be different than the group. Different is usually excluded.
• Cognitive Bias - Basically ways that our brain naturally thinks. Automatic.
  • We always assume the good things that happens to us is because of us. If bad things happen, it’s not really our fault.
  • By natural, our brain skew things to our advantage.
  • Not a good job on a project at work, it’s always other people’s fault. Never your fault.
• Avoid truth because it hurts.
  • Instinctively we avoid things that we don’t like.
    • Annoying people. Topic you don’t like. Truth about who you are.
  • By not hearing the whole truth, we can continue to live in a fake world where we like being in.
  • Truth hurts, so that means you are emotionally hurt somewhere.
  • If you have a huge cut on your hand, do you just ignore it? No. You treat it.
• How do we change this? Decide to be you.
  • If you like drawing, then draw. It might be painful to be excluded, but it’s more painful to feel like you have to constantly change yourself to be part of the group.
  • Being the real you means facing every part of you and not just the nice parts, because we all have flaws. The only difference is we embrace the flaws and display our whole self.
• Have an amazing day, and I’ll see you guys next time.

Summary

• Loss of Interest is Different Than Loss of Emotions
  • Losing interests is mainly caused by feeling discouraged.
  • Losing emotions is when you don’t feel emotions, and you are subconsciously denying your emotions.
• Losing Interest Means Losing Direction
  • I really believe we all have natural interest and talents.
  • This means you were interested and something demotivated you.
  • Not knowing where your path is leading you.
  • Endless race vs running 1 mile
  • Causes can by:
    • Comparing with other people of the same interest.
    • Feeling like you are not making progress.
    • Feelings like there is no goal or destination.
    • Keep thinking about your interests and not doing anything.
• How to restart your interest
  • Why are doing what you’re doing.
  • Set a tangible goal you want to achieve.
  • Set realistic measurable steps towards that goal.
• Do you feel like you are losing a particular interest in your life?

Summary

• Silent attack!
  • Shame is not visible. It’s a negative belief inside us. It attacks our inner self and making us feel bad about ourselves.
  • It's that small voice inside us saying that we’re not good enough, worthless, even though we look completely fine on the outside.
• Correct understanding of shame frees us.
  • Education is always the first step to change.
  • If you’re sick, you have to understand what illness you have first before you pick a medicine.
  • Understanding how shame binds us and when we feel shame allows us to gain more control over it. We can learn how to face it and be much freer. You won’t have to constantly obsess over the smallest things because you are afraid of what others might think.
  • Hair is done right. Feeling overweight or too skinny. Too old.
  • The only way is through.
• Defining shame.
  • The feel you get when you did something wrong and you link that to says something negative about you as a person.
  • Understand that your mistakes, actions or flaws are part of you, but they don’t define your value or your worth.
  • I talk about my experience with height - situations where i feel like my height is mentioned. value or worth from my height.
• Working through the painful experiences to be strengthened
  • After you understand and work through the feeling of shame, you become more aware of why you reacted a certain way. Next time you know how to  strengthen yourself in that area. You don’t worry about that part as much anymore.
• Different people, different shame.
  • Every person might have a different area where they feel shameful or embarrassed in that’s normal.
  • You have to be willing to admit to yourself about your source of shame.
• You determine the significance.
  • All because it seems small to other people doesn’t mean it should seem small to you. 
  • If it’s affecting our lives, it’s significant.
  • This is not a license to blame everyone around us, but it’s admit to ourselves that this area needs my attention.
• Society glosses over it
  • One of the things people don’t really talk about or want to talk about.
• Shame chains you down.
  • No one really gets to see who you really are if you are ashamed of your identity.
  • Emotionally locked in.
• Shame affects multiple parts of our lives
  • Sometimes because we’re afraid or ashamed in one area and it affects every parts of our lives. Because of that people don’t get to see your real self. Talents & abilities that only you have.
• You are not alone.
  • Understand that you’re not alone.
  • A lot of times we think we’re the only person in the entire world struggling with this problem. Chances are you’re not.
  • If counseling is still a profession, that means that are enough people struggling in this area to be cared for.
  • There are more people struggling with this than you think.
• This feeling of shame if not dealt with carries over to your adulthood.
• How to eliminate shame.
  • Internal belief & your self worth is usually outside of yourself.
  • Your value as a human being can’t be changed or taken away.
  • People might relatively be more or less important in society, but as individuals people, your value is same as anyone else.
• You don’t need to feel ashamed of yourself.

Why do I feel like a failure so much? I tried really hard, but I am just still not good. Some of the other people got it on the first try. I’m here just struggling. Maybe I should just quit, because I’m horrible at it.

These might be some of the thoughts that are going your mind when you are trying to get better at something. I know these thoughts personally since I went through a lot of these thoughts myself. I didn’t like the feeling of failure, so I shy away from opportunities that had chances of failure, which was almost everything.

This was all until I understood what failure meant.

Failure is the road to success. Overly used but always been applicable. Why? because to succeed you would have to have failed a lot of times. The person that you have become as a result of all those failures allows you to be successful. Success is the product of all those failures.

Failure are the challenges that gives your mind the chance to bounce back even stronger and more resilience to challenges, which changes how your mind thinks. Then as this happens again and again, your mind gains the ability to be able to solve even tougher problems.

You are able to handle success, because you can rise up from a failure. The greatest challenges in life are your greatest chances to grow, so don’t reject it. Embrace it.

In this video, I share my personal experience with failure.

I am going to take a guess that most of us want a happy and satisfying life. We like the feeling of happiness and of enjoyment, but how do we get it?

There is definitely no lack of stressed out and unhappy people in the world. Just look down the street. We are searching for things that we enjoy.

I want to start by clarifying that happiness doesn't mean it's the truth or it's right. Happiness is just an emotion that feels good, so we want to pursue it.

Happiness is basically wanting something then getting it. Having a want and fulfilling it. So the gift isn't giving you the happiness that you want, but it's the process of getting that gift. Happiness is us making continual progress in life.

As long as people are alive, emotions has always been there. It's the basic part of human nature. To fully realize your potential and capabilities, understanding your emotions is a must.

Because, how many of us has made a bad decision when we are angry? If you said no, you're a saint. How many times have we just felt lazy and ignore important responsibilities?

My point here is emotions is integrated in our decisions & actions. Without understanding how your own emotions work together, the quality of your decisions and life fluctuates drastically.

Also, your ability to understand other people's emotion becomes limited as well. In this video, I talk about the 6 primary emotions and what emotions actually mean to us.

EQ & IQ. Very different topics. However, the only one we were taught growing up was IQ. The one tested more frequently was IQ. EQ is like the forgotten child when it comes to intelligence.

How come? Is it because emotional intelligence is harder to test? Perhaps. Is it since we have a more academically focused society? Maybe. We'll never know.

However, I want to address this topic, because EQ should not be overlooked. Only through the intangible benefits of EQ, which allows for team work & great communication, can IQ really shine.

After all, no one really cares how smart you are if you can't present your points in a way that people are willing to listen.

Ever ran laps before? Yeah, it doesn't matter what kind, just laps. It's the worst, because it doesn't seem like there is a destination. You are just running in circles.

In our lives, if we are not careful, this might actually be what we are doing. Doing the same things day after day, week after week & looking to vacations to free us for a short time then going right back to the grind.

To me that is definitely running laps. I am going to assume that none of us like our valuable time to be wasted. However, if you don't like your current situation and you are not taking any steps to changing it, things will always be the same.

The only way to change your life is by growing yourself first. So dedicate some time every day to grow yourself into something worthwhile.

Do you remember the last time you felt misunderstood? Doesn’t feel so good right? We really want to clarify ourselves and tell them “That’s not what I actually meant!”

Communication skills are so important, because what we want other people to understand about us isn’t always received. It’s like game of telephone, where the last person does his best to guess the message given by the first person.

But that’s not what we want! Why is it so hard? It’s because there are so many type of communication skills, and we’re not entirely fluent in these areas.

There are so much problems in our lives. We try to do something and it doesn’t go our way. We do something but we just keep on failing. it doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Why doesn’t anything go our way?

Hm..what if it’s not supposed to? And things are actually not supposed to work out in our favor?

This is just one small type of misunderstanding we have in our approach in life. We are actually supposed to work hard to go towards a goal, and it’s hardly easy.

I write this to point out this mental trick we play on ourselves in order to protect ourselves. Self-Protection & Deception. It sounds harsh, but it is choosing to believe in a different reality than the one you are really living in.

Trying to really believe that the sky is red doesn’t make it actually red. At the same time, believing that we’re talented & successful when we’re not, doesn’t help me, you, or anyone. The change for growth starts when you first accept the truth about who you are.

"Der Mensch ist, was er ißt." [Man is what he eats] - Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach

There is a lot truth in this statement except Feuerbach is mainly referring to how the physical food affects the state of your mind & body. I would take it a step further to say that a man is also what his mind eats.

All our thoughts originate from our brain. Our minds produce thoughts, creativity, innovation, but why do we not take time to monitor what it eats? When I say eat it means what you allow your mind to interact with. TV, books, news, music, etc. 

Protect your mind. Upgrade the quality of the mental foods you are feeding yourself. Healthy mind, healthy body. I talk more about it in this video!

Hesitation is a pause before we make decisions. It tells us we are unsure of our move. Maybe the choice wasn’t thorough. Or perhaps it’s not a good choice at all. Doesn’t matter if it’s between purchasing houses or headphones, it’s there.

Why hesitate in the first place? Should we ignore it? Our bodies reflect how we actually are. Hesitation included.

Hesitation. it shows our uncertainty. If anything, it uncovers interests, boundaries, and potentials. This is because we discovered new parts of our identity.

When we are in a mental foreign place, it’s natural to be uncertain. Just don’t stay there.

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill

As people, we tend to have a natural tendency to think more negatively than positively. Perhaps it's trait inside us to keep us on the lookout for enemies? 

Regardless for the origin of negative thinking, it's limiting our potential. This type of mentality uses all the energy on how to protect ourselves rather than how we can make ourselves better.

Most of us are no longer living in an environment where we have to be constantly be afraid dying the next moment, so let's focus on being more optimistic. Self doubt does more harm to our potential than other people ever could.

Why doesn't anyone like me? Do you ask yourself that question? I am going to try to address this question today.

People are communal creatures, meaning we are built for relationships. Given that some of the worst punishments are in forms of isolation, in order to be a healthy person, having healthy relationships is a must.

When we want to be in community but the community doesn't receive us, there are two sides to this situation. Either you and the community doesn't match or you just repel community.

Here I will be only focusing on the situation where you repel the community. The reason is every community is different, but we can always examine ourselves.

You've probably decided to click on this article, because at some point you felt bombarded with the responsibilities of life. Due dates, family reunions, and relationship conflicts. It goes on and on. Sometimes you feel like maybe you can manage the tension, but it's now up to the point where you just want to let everything go.

Feeling overwhelmed is usually a result of constant stress & pressure without having proper breaks to replenish your mental, physical, and spiritual well being. Your body is also an integrated system, so if there is exhaust in one area, it tends to influence the performance of everything else.

I want to talk a little about short term & long term methods about changing this lifestyle. Short term involves adopting a proper breathing method to trigger your body to relax. Long term method targets the causation of the overwhelmingness, which means you will have to adopt a new lifestyle.

Everything we take in makes us who we are today. What you have read made you think the way you think today. What you ate gave you the body you have today. We absorb everything as the building blocks to our life, and we are the product of it.

I usually talk about social barriers, which is more mental food, but I like to talk about the physical food too. What we feed into our body transforms us as a person. Either junk food or quality food, we change.

With every food selection, we have a choice: "Better food or better tasting food?". But fast foods or candies tastes SOOO good. I know. That's the struggle. In the long run is where the results show. Are you willing to to give up taste for quality nourishment of your body?

The choice is always there. Long term lack of nutrition doesn't sound like much, but this is when your body start to develop illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, and etc. Your food selection prevents your body from breaking down.

Of course, we all still love good tasting food, so you can schedule a few days in a week where you can enjoy whatever food you want. Still, let's increase the quality of our meals.

Emptiness. Suppressed. Locked. That's how I would describe the emotional state of people in emotional apathy. It's like this state where you avoid facing your emotions, and the results are starting to show.

The flow in which you express emotions as a person is blocked. Apathy cuts it off, so you as a person feels something is off. You are not yourself, and it's painful.

More painful because maybe you don't see or enjoy things the same way anymore. Perhaps there are moments when you just can't control your emotions anymore and everything is in disarray.

I like to speak to that. Hopefully, I can help you understand this state better, so you can work towards breaking out of it.