Does shyness affects our talents and hides the fact that we're nice people?
My answer is that it absolutely does.
If you have the potential of becoming a world-class musician, but you never tried then you’ll never get there. However, if you tried, does that mean you’ll be guaranteed a world-class title? No. Then why try at all if it's not guaranteed? As a result, most people don't even begin in the first place.
Your fear or shyness impacts the when you think, how far you are willing to learn, how much effort to put in, etc.
It influences us more than you think.
#1 - Fear removes possibilities to make you feel safe.
This is one of nature’s self-protection mechanism designed for us so that we can protect ourselves from danger. Fear has its place, but it should never rule over us.
Fear creates an instinctual defense that limits us to only the things that we know so that we can feel safe. If you are in an environment that you feel comfortable in, you feel safe. Fear draws you to the place you feel safe in. Anything that is foreign or new is considered dangerous.
However, if you are constantly in a defensive mode, that means you will never grow. If you only stay in the safe zone, it will be like living in a cave. We can only grow through coming in contact with things that are new. If we are not comfortable facing challenges and being uncomfortable then our growth will be stagnant.
Our maturity, experience, and wisdom all stop the moment we close ourselves up to new knowledge. Even if the world is changing, you will remain where you are at right now.
#2 - Fear makes you focus on the wrong things
If you spend time being scared of mistakes, you won't see possibilities. You will only see failure. Then with failure, pain.
You have to learn to see the situation with a different frame.
If you talk to someone with the goal of being mistake-free, the possible results are no mistake or mistake. This means at best you persevered your self-worth and at worst you discard more of your self-worth.
In contrast, if you were to focus on a different perspective, where talking to someone is about enjoyment. The best possible result is you have a great conversation. The worst is the conversation wasn’t enjoyable.
Can you see how the factors that we focus on changes the way we feel about the outcome?
The second scenario never focused on yourself. It only focused on if it was enjoyable or not. Fear always shifts the focus towards the negative.
#3 - Fear makes you perform worse.
Let’s say everyone has a performance scale on effort and ability. For this example, we'll rate people's performance from 0-100. 0 meaning no ability. 100 meaning superhuman abilities.
If your ability range was 0-50 and your friend’s ability is 0-40, but you are shy and doesn’t do anything while he does an average performance, what happens?
You perform a 0 because you are too scared to do anything. No results equal no performance.
Your friend performed a 20, which is average for him, not amazing but good.
However, your range of performance is actually higher than him. You would have done better than him if you just did your average performance, but because of fear, your performance didn’t exist.
This is what fear does to you.
Any progress is better than no progress.
Even wrong progress you can look back and learn from what you did wrong.
#4 - Fear doesn’t stay in one part of your life.
Fear spreads.
When you are afraid of something, you try to cut off everything that associates your memory with that fear, which is literally a portion of your life. If you see anything that triggers your fear, you withdraw, making your life miserable.
Let’s say you are afraid of needles. Now everything that remotely resembles a sharp pointy edge will be on your radar, which is like…a lot of stuff. You can’t cut out all sharp pointy objects from your life, but if you let your fear persist, you have no choice but to avoid a portion of your life.
First Step -
What is something you want to do, but didn’t because you’re afraid?
- Augustus
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