Do you notice this guy in the back?
…Probably not.
Because there is simply no reason to notice him.
It’s not because he isn’t good looking or he doesn’t have a great personality. It’s just if he doesn’t do anything, show anything, or express anything…then there is nothing to notice. People can be aware of the way his appearance but that only goes so far.
I understand that a lot of us are afraid to speak up or say anything in social settings. We don’t want to embarrass ourselves in front of other people.
Personally, I feel like it may be one of the factors that are influencing the way you feel within group settings.
Here are 5 reasons why you might be feeling invisible in groups.
#1 You are not actually engaging the group.
You are there but you are not really there.
You might be physically in the group & talking, but you're not really to get involved. You talk, but cautiously. You talk only enough to not be vulnerable.
You are not talking with the group. You are skirting around the group. In a sense, you are making yourself feel invisible by actively avoiding the group.
Don't get me wrong. You still WANT to be part of the group. You're just not opening up.
You might hope that...
someone will help you get integrated into the group or
surrounding yourself physically by people to feel like part of the group,
but if you are only pretending to engage with the group, nothing is going to work out.
#2 Unless you speak up, people will assume you have nothing to say.
This is pretty obvious.
If you don't say anything, how can anyone know that you actually have something to say.
We already know that public speaking is one of the top fears that people do have. So you're not alone is the fear of public speaking.
But if you want relationships, you have to talk.
No talking, no relationships.
Not knowing what to say, that's another story.
I know a lot of us actually have good and deep thoughts. For the longest time, I wanted to speak up, because I felt like I had great inputs and valid points. However, I didn’t speak up because of the crushing fear, so…these thoughts that I had never spoken will never be known.
Of course, be discerning. Don’t speak every thought that comes into your mind. Not all thoughts are helpful to be heard, but BE BOLD.
#3 You are talking but not connecting.
Talking is the very basic way to connect with someone. If you don’t share deeper things, then you won’t connect. Simple.
I have had literally talked to someone for 4-5 years and only talked about exercising or work. I knew nothing about his struggles, fears, or dreams.
You can talk as long as you want about food or hobbies, but we all know you connect through depth and vulnerability.
If you don’t let people in, it really doesn’t matter how many people you surround yourself with. You will feel alone.
Don’t shut everyone out, just let the right people in.
If you really wanted to, you can have a 30 mins conversation about absolutely nothing. Talking is an avenue for connection. You have to make the actual connection happen.
#4 You want to talk, but you are too nervous.
Social anxiety is pretty real.
I honestly believe that social media has a huge part to play in making everyone feel more insecure about themselves.
Cause this anxiety issue wasn't this prevalent couple of thousands of years ago.
While social media is good, it also allows for people to constantly compare themselves with each other.
Meaning...say hello to discontentment and lowered self-esteem.
If you don’t have a solid self-esteem yet, social media will feel like a nightmare. You will admire all the things you don't have and try to win attention and approval of other people.
Now bringing it back to real life. Not only is social media changing the way we communicate, it also replaces real-life conversations. It’s much easier to text someone than to talk to them face to face. As a result, we start to not understand body languages and social etiquettes.
Rather than using social media as your main form of communication, make time to talk to people in real life.
If you don’t talk, you will feel invisible, so work on overcoming that nervousness. Don’t let technology become your crutch.
#5 You are trying to join the wrong group.
This one is more about the wrong environment. If you are trying to join the wrong group, I’m pretty sure things will feel very awkward for you.
When I say wrong groups, it means having a mismatch between you and them.
The group can be completely different in interests or values than you. For instance, you’re a software engineering and trying to join a punk rock music club. Not saying it’s impossible; it’s just going to be much harder.
When your values clash with theirs, it makes any type of communication harder. Not because you can’t talk, but it’s harder for you guys to like each other.
These are 5 reasons why you might feel invisible within a group. Perhaps you can relate with some? It’s not a pleasant feeling, but we get a chance to understand it more and move past it.
First Step -
How would you rate yourself in terms of social skills right now?
- Augustus
Losing Interests, Losing Relationships [Free PDF]
- Understanding the 5 CAUSES for an emotional wall between you and everyone else.