I used to be scared of talking in front of people. Any public settings. it’s sometimes the hardest when i’m trying to talk in a group of friends.
Yea…being shy never helps.
what if i said something wrong?
what if i said something stupid?
what if they suddenly don’t like me anymore?
…you know what, I’m just not gonna say anything.
I wanted to share what my thoughts are, but I usually talk myself out of it.
Then because I was so much in my head, my voice is soft and squeaky. I’ll say things like
“never mind…”
“it’s nothing…”
“no, I didn’t say anything.” (when I obviously did.)
“don’t worry about it.”
If you were anything like me, it was also borderline horrifying to talk in any group more than three people.
I don’t think I was struggling with having a confident voice. I was really struggling with just having ANY voice at all.
Having a confident voice is the very basics in getting your message across. After all, we’re all trying to get better at connecting with people right?
I want to share with you five ways to enhance your voice.
The More You Like Something, The More You Use It.
The strength, not the volume of the voice is actually more mental than you think. How confident we are in our skills determines how much we will rely on it.
If you have a car and you are kind of sure that the engine will work, will you drive it?
Of course not!
We use the things that we have confidence in, because we believe it WILL work!
If you want that confidence with your voice, you’ll have to learn to like it first.
When you like someone, don’t you want to take an extra look at him/her? You want to be around the person. You are happy to see the person.
We move towards the things we like.
Then the more we like it, the more we’ll use it.
The more we use it, the more confidence we gain.
However, sometimes we will move away after we start to feel confident, because we feel like for some reason we’re too scare to mess it up. That is a great topic, but for another time.
Your voice is a representation of your inside world. You need to like your voice and feel like you deserve to use your voice.
Now, let’s do an exercise.
Exercise -
I want you to answer a question. Provide an answer and don’t explain yourself. This trains you to prove to yourself that you are fully satisfied with your answer.
Sample questions -
Why are you wearing that shirt?
Why can’t you help me with this project?
Why do you want Chinese food instead of Mexican food?
People Can’t Respond to What They Can’t Hear.
I remembered when I was shy. My voice was very soft, quiet, and close to a mutter.
I rarely spoke. When I did speak, no one could hear me but me.
Kind of defeats the purpose of talking, but it was the best I could do.
I probably had some nice people around me, but it felt like they ignored me. Why? Because they didn’t respond to what I said. Or… more accurately, they couldn’t hear so they couldn’t respond to what I said.
Then it made me felt like I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.
If you are going to talk, you have to make sure the other person can hear you. When we hear ourselves speak, it sounds much louder to ourselves than to others.
Raise your volume. Don’t scream, but practice to vocalize your voice. Practice speaking pass the person and to the whole room.
Yes, it is very scary to have the whole room hear your voice while you are not sure about yourself. So for starters just practice on having the volume. Grow in confidence of your voice. Feel the ability and capability of your voice. Then work on how to speak in front of people.
Yes, you can be heard & be polite. Rather if they respond or not, that’s up to them, but they can’t respond to something they didn’t hear.
Exercise -
- Hum continuously while placing your hand on your chest to feel that vibration. That is part of your voice.
- When you are talking to someone, imagine your voice going through the person and going beyond the person. This is definitely make your voice louder.
Body Posture - Stand up straight and face forward. Don’t slouch, it narrows your diaphragm & your lungs making it more difficult to speak.
Make sure your head is leveled and not facing downwards. It project confidence, and you don’t want people to hear your voice bouncing off the ground. Perfect practice makes perfect.
When You Apologize on the Inside, the Voice Shows.
Actually, when you feel sorry for yourself not only your voice shows it, the whole body shows how you feel.
found on google. i don't any copyright to this
Not trying to freak you out, but that’s why there is something called body language. People can usually feel what you are communicating without you even saying anything just how you act.
If I drop my head and go sit in a corner without saying anything, people would usually think I’m depressed. If I look up with my hands on my hips, people might think I’m proud.
Just simple body language stuff, but we’re only going to focus on voice right now.
If you are apologizing to people on the inside, you are looking for mistakes.
Your mistakes.
Then when you see them, you apologize, withdraw, or stay silent.
That’s not the best way to talk.
And believe I don’t think other people wants to talk to someone like that either.
When you’re talking normally, it makes other people feel comfortable too.
So don’t focus on mistakes.
Focus on delivering your message and making sure that it is heard.
It will have less hesitation, more assurance.
If you are 100% certain that what you said is the truth, you can feel a sense of firmness in you voice.
But the trick here is how can you say something with 100% certainty?
You can speak your opinion with 100% certainty!
Because you can’t be wrong about your own opinion.
Exercise -
Say the sentence “I want to be friends with you”. Do you feel any uncertainties inside of you? If you do, what is it?
Talk Like You’re the King
I love this section!
To get better at talking confidently, you can practice visualizing to talk like a king. Unleash your inner desire to be yourself. Role-play helps to bring out your other side sometimes.
You’re not a dictator, but a king where everyone loves you and whole-heartedly accepted you for who you are.
I think this is one of the reasons why The Sims game series is so popular. You can literally be the king of world. Doesn’t that sound good? What would you do?
I’ll tell you what I would do.
I would first command everyone to not laugh at me.
Then I would have everyone do this dance with me.
found on google & I don't own any copyright to this
Use your imagination!
Exercise -
Pretend that you’re the king of Narnia and you have to make commands to your followers. Say the following as if you are giving an important order. -
“Bring me a cheesecake.”
“No, I actually like gold more than blue.”
“I didn’t catch that. Can you please repeat that?”
Doesn’t Matter If You’re Not Fun, Shy, Introverted or Anything, Talk Anyways!
A lot of times people say that they are introverted or shy, so they can’t improve their social skills.
That’s OK.
But you can still improve your voice right now.
Stick to what you can improve first, which is your volume. When you start to feel comfortable with the volume of your voice, your confidence does increase too.
Right now just focus on practicing having a confident voice. When you learn and appreciate your voice, then you can start to learn to be more interesting in conversations.
Having a solid voice helps you communicate the message effectively first, then do everything else.
Exercise -
Sing in your car.
First you can just turn up the volume and sing with the songs and just face your face forward, so you won’t have to make embarrassing eye contact with others.
Then after you feel comfortable, you can start to lower the volume, so you can hear more of your voice. Pick a positive song please. Not like a depressing song about a break up or messy stuff.
If you don’t have a song, here are three from my collection, enjoy -
Happy - Pharrell Williams
Despacito ft. Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee - Justin Bieber [I just pretend to speak Spanish on this one.]
HandClap - Fitz and the Tantrums
Try one exercise at a time. Let me know which exercise you liked in the comment section.
Don’t feel overwhelmed. One step at a time. Small progress is realistic progress. Take care!
- Augustus
Losing Interests, Losing Relationships [Free PDF]
- Understanding the 5 CAUSES for an emotional wall between you and everyone else.