Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain. - Vivian Greene
Life isn’t fair to everyone.
I think we all know that.
Maybe you’ve been burned by past relationships. Breakups, bullying, family issues.
A lot of relationships in your life have let you down. They hurt you. Broke your trust.
It left you feeling empty.
Why give relationships a chance again?
Even just by looking at our political leaders sometimes it’s hard to believe that people are trustworthy and not just lashing out at each other with interesting spelling mistakes.
This is because none of us are perfect.
We all will let people down eventually. That’s just the truth.
We all have relationships that are imperfect with each other. Some will hurt us, but grow us and care for us. Others make us feel good in the short run, but hurt us and leave us in pieces.
So why try?
Because love is still worth it. Friendship love. Romantic love.
We all still want to love and be loved.
We all need it.
However, because no one loves perfectly, we have to risk getting hurt.
The reason why people in general are able to live in broken imperfect relationships is that they are co-depending on each other.
They are able to be independent and dependent on others at the same time.
They can stand alone and pursue their own ambitions or dreams. Also, they can rely on others during critical time of their lives.
None of us can control our backgrounds or our past. There are a lot of things that are outside of our control. What we can learn to do is see the silver lining in all these events even if it seems impossible.
Maybe it feels like no one is treating you right.
Maybe it seems like everyone is letting you down.
You still have the ability to see things from a different perspective.
You have the ability to make sure life does not end this way.
Here I’ll touch on some more points for why I feel like it’s worth a try.
1) Being emotionally isolated makes you grows your desperation for love over time.
If you are living in isolation, things will get worse with time. I don’t think anyone likes to go down this road. Neither do I.
The more isolated you are, the more you crave for love. It’s a self-propelling cycle.
Have you ever wonder why you crave for love so much in the first place?
One, it’s since maybe you don’t love yourself.
I’m not trying to be a jerk but trying to be truthful. People who don’t love themselves have to rely on others to love them. Their vision of themselves is clouded. Other people are their only ability to live and survive.
…then when others stop loving them, they fall apart.
Two, you are isolating yourself by being afraid to trust in relationships again.
The more you wait, the more hungry for love you become.
This is the part where I’m saying take your time to work through this issue so it doesn’t become worse.
Imagine a puppy in a backyard that only gets to see his owner once a month for an hour. =(
Can you feel how much the puppy will miss the owner?
How much will he desired to be loved, petted?
What happens to the puppy after 2 or 3 years? It’s starving for love. It’ll take anything that will give him love, even the bad relationships.
Of course, we’re not puppies, but we need love and care like the puppies do.
The longer that you wait to trust in relationships again, the harder it will be.
With time, desperation grows, and your emotional burdens are definitely not getting any lighter. Find a community & walk together. (Always welcome to join this one.)
2) A Period of Harsh Pain is Better Than A Pain for A Lifetime.
If someone told me that I have to pick between sprinting for a mile then rest or walk for 30 miles, I would always pick the sprint. I hope you would too.
Your pain right now doesn’t have to last for the rest of your life.
If you are willing to take steps to change, you can be freed from this isolation.
Yes, it might be painful & scary, but you’re not alone.
Even if it means facing some incredibly painful memories and a bunch of things that I don’t want to do, if it helps me toward a healthy relationship, I’ll take it.
I have seen many people regretting not taking actions sooner to try again. Now, they are looking back at their lost 5, 10, 15 years. Time doesn’t turn back, so be bold to change it. #yolo
3) Make Your Next Relationship Possible
For some of you, it might be hard to even imagine being very open with someone again.
I’m pretty cautious too, so I get it.
But we still long for that intimidate connection with other people.
Let’s say you made a mistake the first time. It’s up to you if you want to make the same mistake a second time. It doesn’t matter how many times you have made a mistake. You always have the choice to make the next choice not the same.
Right now you might not be ready for a friendship or a relationship, but it doesn’t mean you can’t learn to be ready in the future. It might take time to learn social skills & build confidence, but it means that you can have a great relationship in the future.
Imagine that you met an amazing person 5 years later that you want to build a relationship with, but you are still in the same place struggling with the same problem. You weren’t ready. The same problems happened, and you lost that precious chance to make another relationship.
Then you tell yourself.
That’s just me. I ruin things.
But you don’t have to stay that way.
You have a chance right now to make a decision to not miss that chance in the future.
I Am Still Not Sure.
Your life is ultimately yours to live.
Taking steps towards change will sound scary, but I can try to break down and show you that it’s doable.
Will it be hard?
Almost definitely, but it will be worth it.
When you have better self-esteem, it feels like you’re not a knock-off brand anymore. You are a genuine (Your Name Here) brand. Like a Gucci or Tesla. You'll be proud of it.
Responsibility may sound scary but giving yourself the gift of confidence is probably one of the best things you could do.
You don’t have to hide behind fear anymore. I can tell you; it’s a world of difference between having the confidence to trust in relationships and being not able to trust anything.
Where Can I Find Good Relationship?
Great question. I like to answer this, but honestly, there is enough to write multiple posts about this topic. I’ll just touch on this briefly.
First, if you are struggling with low self-esteem, please don’t find another person with low self-esteem. You might think that because you both have low expectations for relationships that it makes the relationship even more fulfilling, but that is only in the short run.
Long-term it will be even more destructive because both of you are incapable of loving yourself and emotionally care for the other person.
Remember that co-dependent relationships are the healthy type, so you need to cultivate a degree of independence through increasing your self-esteem first before trying to find another relationship.
Don't look for good relationships yet! Cultivate your self-esteem first. I always encourage small & consistent steps.
First Step -
Imagine what a healthy relationship would look like for you. Let yourself imagine freely. Comment below and tell me which part of the article you enjoyed!
- Augustus
Losing Interests, Losing Relationships [Free PDF]
- Understanding the 5 CAUSES for an emotional wall between you and everyone else.