Summary
- Taking everything very personally is a very tough life to live in, because it feels like everything is focused on you and judging you. A small comment at work can RUIN your whole day. Then it ruins your meet up with your friends. It ruins eating the dinner you enjoy, and you can’t even sleep without thinking about it. How do we stop this cycle? I would say everything begins with the belief.
- Stop thinking everything is about you.
- Taking things too personally is like being on the stage all the time. You don’t have time to relax. - Being on stage is when all the attention is on you, so every small detail is seen clearly. Mistakes or success are both greatly magnified. So if you are constantly on the stage, it maybe destructive for yourself self-esteem. However, we need to understand “we are not always the focus.” Not every negative remark is aimed at us. Not every action people do to ignore us is because we did something wrong. Not every one is out to get us. The truth is very very few people designed their whole entire day just to ruin someone else’s. Maybe your friend wasn’t talkative today not because he was angry with you, but his grandpa passed away. Understanding we are NOT the focus all the time takes all that pressure off.
- No one can withstand constantly being talked about. - On a psychological level, this is just impossible. It’s like being constantly at mental wars. Take a deep breath. Remember that people are always talking, but it’s not always about you.
- Not everything said is an attack.
- We look for things to support our story. If we believe that people are speaking badly about us, we will find evidence to support it. - When we care a lot about how people sees us, we develop these sharp ears for hearing our names. If our story is “people will never like me for who I am”, things we see & hear start to become evidence for our story. Suddenly, Tom’s simple “Hi!” becomes “Tom is just saying hi just to be polite, because people don’t like me.”, which make everything feel like an attack on ourselves.
- Learn to actively think about other possibilities. - One of the ways to break out of our own stories is to actively think about other possibilities. If Nancy didn’t come to the hangout today, what are some possible reasons she didn’t show up? It can be that Nancy doesn’t like you OR she is really sick OR she promised her sister to go eat Italian food. This helps us break out the story, because in reality, there are many reasons for an action.
- Understanding your triggers.
- There are usually certain topics or things that triggers us to feel like we have to defend ourselves. - If you feel like every time someone talks about your teeth, you cringe. Take note of it. These topics makes us cringe because we don’t like how it feels to us. As a result, we try to avoid it. Not by chance, these are also touch points we feel very personal about. Be aware of them and work through them.
- Take note of them, and journal about it to understand why you feel so hurt by it.