Feeling like you need someone to turn to? Where did all the good friends go to? I just need that one person for support. If I only had someone to share my burdens with.
I know community is important for our emotional well being, but we should still be able to stand by ourselves. Interacting with people is good. Feeling like you are worthless without people is bad. Our relationships with others are the frosting on the cake. We still need to make the cake ourselves.
What about all the distress and devastating feelings that comes up when I am ALONE by myself?
I know the desires for somebody to care about you can be extremely overwhelming sometimes. Then there is also the constant voice telling you that “You’re just a complete mess.” It’s hard to feel like you want to care for yourself when no one else cares about you.
However in this lonely time of silence….
This is the time where we need to learn to stand up by ourselves the most.
Relationships works in moderation. You give some. They give some. However, when we feel like we NEED someone, we invest EVERYTHING into the few relationships that we have. The result? People feel like they need space, and they end the relationship with you altogether.
We all know this result all too well. Sadly.
So, how can we change our clinginess? Yup, you guessed it. Standing up by ourselves first.
When we come from a place where we are ok with having or not having the relationship, we give other people the freedom to connect with us. Our self esteem doesn’t fluctuate with every word they say. (That is extremely painful.)
Standing up for ourselves relieves others of the responsibility to provide for our happiness. Because after all, happiness is an inside job.
So How Do We Become Independent?
First is allowing yourself to express yourself.
Our minds might be thinking “Why doesn’t anyone like me?” or “I am such a failure.” that we don’t any time finding out who we are as a person.
Take 10 minutes right now to just be alone and sooth your emotions. Slow down your breathing. Count 1 to 5 as you inhale and same for exhale.
Then ask yourself “What do I want to do for myself right now?”
You ask yourself this question, because you want to practice bringing your thoughts and perspective into the present. You want to focus on expressing your own preference on a consistent basis.
Rather than focusing on what you want others to fulfill in your life, let your real self come forward.
Some examples might be: I want to take a walk. I want ice cream. I want to learn more about music.
Take your time to nurture yourself using this simple exercise. Take care!
