Have you ever had these thoughts?
“Why does no one hear my cry?”
“Why is everyone so selfish?”
“It feels like the world is just going by without a care for me at all.”
“I feel like even if anyone is here with me, he/she can’t sincerely love me, because… not a single part of me feels lovable.”
"If I find the right person, I’ll feel loved…right?”
When I say love, I’m not just talking about romantic but also platonic.
Love in a sense of acceptance and being cared for.
Love is an amazing part of life. I don’t think anything could change the world as much as love.
Love is what really binds life together. A very important part of life.
However, why do we not feel like we’re able to be loved? How can we feel loved? Why aren’t we feeling loved?
Here, we’ll be talking about the feeling of love and how our self-image affects it, especially in the realm of low self-esteem. A lot of times, people struggling with having low self-esteem seek out to be loved but only to feel disappointed afterward.
We all want to be loved, but is love from others dependable?
1) Not Everyone Understands Low Self-Esteem
If you find an average person that have great intentions but no background on self-esteem, he might not be able to sympathize with your situation. Sometimes he expect it as something you get over like the flu. He might not know how it feels to be feeling unworthy. He might not know what it feels like to have something good slip away from you so you hold onto it with your life. He might not know why it’s so scary to open up to someone.
“This might be the only good thing that’ll ever happen to me…”
Why? Because he is expecting it like any other relationships he had. He is expecting you to be similar to him. He is expecting to be loved and appreciated by you the same way he will show to you.
This doesn’t mean you can’t have any friends or date anyone, it means you have to learn to love yourself before connecting with another person.
In any relationship, people all know that they are supposed to give love and receive love, but there is another part that people don’t usually talk about. You are also supposed to give and receive love for yourself. If for whatever reason, your other relationships can’t provide you with love, you are supposed to be able to take care of yourself.
In fact, you are supposed to have learned how to love and appreciate yourself as a person from your parents, but not all of us have a perfect family background. The romantic love is another type of love that builds on the foundation of your self-love.
You can’t be fully dependent on another human being for feeling loved. It’s a myth that someone can provide you with all the love that you need. When you are fully dependent on someone else’s love, you will feel devastated whenever he is unable to provide that. If he and you get into a fight, you might feel destroyed because you feel completely emptied of love, which makes the problem worse.
In a healthy relationship, both sides are able to care and show love for themselves, so in times of conflict, they can not only provide love for themselves but also for the other side. It gives you the ability to love on other people when you are hurt yourself.
2) It’s Not Their Fault Or Their Responsibility For Your Self-Esteem
I’m not trying to be harsh, but it is really not their responsibility to help you. It’s nice of them if they helped you, but they are not obligated to help you. This doesn’t mean “Oh everyone is selfish, so I’m not going to trust anyone again.”
This means that no one can walk for you. As much as other people want to help you move, your legs are your own. Only you can move your legs, and it’s your responsibility to move your own legs.
This doesn’t mean you can only depend on yourself.
This DOES mean learn to care for yourself and reach out for supplemental help.
If you don’t know how, start right now.
3) Learn to Take Responsibility for Yourself
If you don’t know how to show love to yourself. It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility for your self-esteem.
Don’t blame ANYONE including yourself for any mistakes. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean never show any weaknesses. It means actively take actions towards taking care of yourself. I think it is very courageous to try to take responsibility for yourself because it’s hard and frightening.
You really can’t love other people without learning to love yourself first. You are the first person that you are taking care of. Once you have learned to take care of yourself then you can move onto other people. After that, then you can expect a proper relationship with another person.
We all want to be loved but all relational love is mutual. It’s a codependent relationship, where you are independent as a person and depending on others at the same time. I know we are sometimes so concerned with helping others that we forget to take care of ourselves. However, in order to help other people, we have to care for ourselves first. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.
First Step -
Educate yourself on what low self-esteem is, so you know what is happening to you emotionally.
- Augustus
Losing Interests, Losing Relationships [Free PDF]
- Understanding the 5 CAUSES for an emotional wall between you and everyone else.