Do you remember seeing a kid throwing a tantrum in the supermarket. Why is he doing this? This is because he is desperately trying to get the sympathy of people around him.
Not only is he not getting what is seemingly his life support (the candy), he is in exceedingly great distress. He doesn’t want to just feel it himself, but he wants the whole world to know it too.
Well… we got our adult version of this um..tantrum.
All because we’re older, bigger, stronger, it doesn’t mean we don’t throw tantrums. I’m no exception either. Adults just throw tantrums in a different way. This article is to reveal how we are wrongly trying to draw attention to ourselves.
There are right ways and there are wrong ways. the pain can be very real but the way we draw attention to it can be wrong.
Now, here are 7 ways how to not get attention -
#1 - Don’t self-pity.
"Woe is me."
"Man, I am the most unfortunate person in the world."
"Everything is against me."
"I am the victim here."
"Everyone is so mean to me. The world is messed up."
Does it sound familiar? Yeah, I’ve been there too. Let me tell you something, it doesn’t matter how much you complain. Nothing is going to change. I understand you might be wrongly accused, misunderstood, overlooked, stepped on, broken down, a complete emotional mess, or rejected, but your situation will not change with complaining.
I know it’s not easy. When you’re hurt, you need support and companionship. Those things are important. You might not have friendships sometimes, but the world will move on.
It’s not anyone’s responsibility to help you except maybe your family's responsibility. It’s not because it’s a selfish world. It’s that you are supposed to be raised to take care of yourself. Emotionally, mentally, physically.
Self-pity is when you want others to feel bad for you. You want them to feel your misfortune, and you don’t deserve any of it. It’s not bad to feel your emotions, but it's bad to be controlled by it.
You don't want to be emotionally dependent on other people.
Don’t be bitter. Perhaps you have been wronged or you made a mistake. Pick yourself up, and move forward.
#2 - Don’t self-criticize.
Most of the time, we don’t really need other people to tell us how horrific our mistakes are. We will criticize ourselves before others get to us. Why? It hurts a little less coming from ourselves.
But self-criticism is rarely productive. Self-reflection, on the other hand, is very beneficial.
Self-criticism is where you bash and beat yourself up until you feel like you won’t do the same mistakes again. Every time you do that, you associate your self-worth along with the results of your actions. Your self-esteem sinks along with it as a byproduct.
Self-reflection is reflecting on the mistakes you have done and thinking about ways to improve. The key difference is you don't think less of yourself.
Self-criticism is the habitual voice inside you that berates yourself. This prevents your self-esteem from rising again.
#3 - Don’t try to please people.
Another way people try to get attention is by pleasing other people.
If you please other people, they will think you’re a great person and that will boost your self-esteem temporarily. Self-worth gained from other people never lasts.
Good action, wrong reason.
Helping other people is great. But if you are doing it just to get something (attention) from others, it becomes a transaction. Meaning if you don’t get attention back from them, you grow bitter. You hope to get attention and didn't receive it, so you’re angry and bitter.
Help people because you want to. Don’t be nice only because you want something from them.
#4 - Don’t guilt-trip people.
This is one of my personal dis-favorites if that’s a word. When you use guilt to try to manipulate other people into doing something, it will work for the moment. The heart won't be genuine. What you’ll get is an even more dysfunctional relationship, not the type you want.
When you have people around you because of obligation, that's not friendship. There won't be the genuine relationships that you long for.
#5 - Don’t try to be better than other people.
There are different ways that we try to be better than others...
“Oh, you don’t like me. Well, I never liked you anyways!” (I never liked you first, so I was one step ahead of you, which means I was better.)
“People are all so selfish for not reaching out to me.” (I am the worthy person, and people should feel bad for not helping me.)
When you are angry or emotional, it’s very easy to only think about yourself. Emotions are not wrong. It’s ok to feel anger and sadness, but it’s not ok to take it out on other people.
Degrading others to make yourself appear better, that’s a problem. Don’t use this method to gain attention for yourself.
#6 - Don’t stand around and hope someone will change the situation for you.
A lot of people are empathetic, and they will help you if they see you in trouble, which is great. There are good people in the world. However, understand that they will help you, but they are not responsible for you.
When you are younger, your parents are responsible for you. When you’re an adult, you are responsible for yourself. That means caring for yourself emotionally, cooking for yourself, taking care of yourself, etc.
When you reject that responsibility, you become a child without protection or ability to take care of yourself.
Other people can’t be your new parents, so you have to do it yourself. The attention that other people is most likely momentarily to help you. They can’t support you forever.
The solution isn't to not ask for help.
It's to take action.
Nothing will change for you unless you take action to change things yourself.
We all like to be treasured and focused on, but there are right and wrong ways of getting that attention.
First Step -
Did I miss any?
- Augustus
Losing Interests, Losing Relationships [Free PDF]
- Understanding the 5 CAUSES for an emotional wall between you and everyone else.