Why are other people’s reactions so important to you? Do you feel like if they don’t think well of you then you won’t have a community anymore?

If you are trying to please others so that they will accept you, I can see how you will be very sensitive to everyone’s mood and reactions. If someone gets mad at you, your whole day might flip.

But we all know that’s not good for our emotional health, and you want to change that. I applaud you for wanting to take steps!

First, let’s understand this situation. This is a process that all of us will eventually face when we’re growing up, so this is nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t be hard on yourself for asking this question, because we all struggle with this at some point.

People are communal creatures. As we are growing up, we learn who we are from our parents and our community. Gradually, we start to see them as the source for our standard as a human being. Am I good, smart, ugly? These things we subconsciously learn from the people around us.

At one point in your life, you probably adopted a mentality that if the people around you are not happy, then you aren’t a good person. This is obviously not true, because if someone doesn’t like the color of my car, I’m not gonna purchase another car just for him.

Part of growing in independence is increasing our ability to face conflicts. If someone doesn’t agree with us or doesn’t like us, we have to learn to be ok with it. It doesn’t mean we’re a jerk or a bad person. We just disagree.

To practice on not being so reactive to every single thing people do [which is extremely exhausting], learn to disagree with people calmly.

Next time if people are talking about chocolate and you don’t like chocolate, just say, “Actually, I am not a fan of chocolate.” And stand by it. Let be people disagree with you, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you having an opinion. Do you.

These small motions train your muscle to stand up for yourself. Practice it often, but don’t disagree just to disagree. Of course, you might not be the “nice guy” anymore, but at least you will be yourself.

It will feel very weird at first, but power through the fear and stand up for yourself. Good luck!

Question for You - How do you deal with people that don’t like you?